This and that

New Year again…

Well, I am surprised. Positively. 20 followers??? What? I do not even write anything anymore. How come?

Anyway, thank you.

Only 3 days left of the 2014 and, naturally, I am looking back. Was it a good year? I guess. I quit my job, moved countries and homes (twice), bought a new car (not really new, 8 years old), established my own firm, got married, went to the honeymoon, gained 3 pounds, prepared Christmas dinner (Scottish style) for 13 people and now writing this post. As you maybe noticed, I gave you an account of my year in a chronological order.

Was it a good year?

I guess it was.

I was told I was pretty, I was told I was ugly, I was told I was smart, I was told I was stupid. I thought to myself I was pretty, I thought to myself I was ugly, I thought to myself I was smart, I thought to myself I was stupid. i was happy and angry, high (in spirit!) and super super low.

Was it a good year?

I guess it was.

Professionally I am on my own, need to get up every morning and need to sell, promote, sell and promote. Is it better or worse than being an employee? I am yet to decide.

In my personal life, I am not on my own. I have someone to kiss me goodnight and someone to kiss my good morning. Someone who loves me. Someone I love. I have someone to laugh with, to cook for, to clean after, someone to listen to, someone to be told off by, someone to be patient with and someone who is patient with me. I have a husband. Someone with whom I should discuss my travelling plans, someone who thinks has a right to tell me what I should do and how. Is it better or worse than being on my own? It is different. Much different. It is better. I have a long way to go though. Compromising has never been my strong point.

Was it a good year?

I guess it was.

What do I wish for in 2015?

I wish I could find peace. Peace of mind. Like now, while writing and listening to an amazingly soothing voice of Mayra Andrade. I wish I could hold onto this feeling forever. Peace is what I wish for.

To all of you who read this – I wish you the same. I wish you peace of mind in 2015.

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Freedom = Creativity = Happiness ≠ Regular Job = A Trap

I have known this for a long time and every time my personal “cashflow” is in danger,  I tend to forget this simple truth: “I am really not made for a regular job”. I am annoyed, I am bored after just a few months of anything that in the beginning seems to be new and potentially exciting. Why do I lie to myself, why? I know, in the depth of my heart, I know what it is that annoys me so much about having a regular job – it takes away my freedom!

I can only be creative when I am happy. I can only be happy when I am free. I cannot be free when I am trapped. I feel trapped when I have to be in the same exact place every day from Monday to Friday. I feel trapped when I have 25 days of freedom in a whole year.

What if I feel TODAY like taking my camera and going out there to take pictures beacuse the sky is so beautifully just-before-the-storm dark blue?

What if I feel TODAY like staying in bed and at last pushing forward my short story on three women stuck on the train from its current page number two to page three or maybe even four?

What if I feel TODAY like taking my car to Zandvoort and having a long walk at the sea finished with a fresh herring roll which I would consume sitting right there on the freezing cold sand?

What should I do?

What?

It is Monday and I have to go to work!

It is Monday and I will have to do what I am obliged to do for the next five days!

It is Monday!

Oh, dear lottery, dearest postcode loterij, the most fantastic euromilions, all the greatest lotteries in the world – why don’t you let me win??? Just once! Pleeeeeease!

 

Learning how to blog

How to tag, what to tag, how to add a page? Who should I follow? Who I want to follow me? Follow me? In a real life it would be somewhat scary…but not here. In a virtual life it is a measure of a success. 

I saw this morning a very interesting interview with Mr José Mujica, President of Uruguay. He seems like my type of guy – liberal Marxist atheist 🙂 and a wise man!

Good Day to all of you!

here’s the link if you want to have a look: http://www.aljazeera.com/programmes/talktojazeera/2013/10/jose-mujica-i-earn-more-than-i-need-2013102294729420734.html 

 

LET’S START.

Well,

I am 38.

I do feel I was much wiser when I was younger. I knew where I was going and what I wanted. I do not know anymore. It seems like I am getting less smart day after day, or less motivated? It is not being frustrated. It is more about a change that is approaching or maybe has already began. A change in me.

I can do a lot of things. I have acquired a lot of skills along the way. I have seen a lot. I have met a lot of amazing people and I am so grateful for it. I am in love with a man of my life. I am happy.

I just feel like I care less and less about the others, about the outside world, about all this mess around me, while before I wanted to change the world, to make it a better place. What happened?

This blog will be about me. Hmm, all the blogs are about the authors, aren’t they? Sometimes not directly, I guess, sometimes they are a bit camouflaged, but still.

I will share my thoughts here, as I hope keeping a blog will help me remember my thoughts. I also hope a blog is less invasive and shallow then other social media platforms. And, I can’t really express myself in 140 characters.